Week of "__LL"

This past week has been the worst week of my entire life. Bar none. (Exaggeration in this blog post is intentional.) Last weekend, I had a great time going around the State Fair with my family from 12:00 to 9:00. But little did I know, that I had managed to catch the flu and walking around for nine hours straight was NOT good for my health that day. So I missed church and skipped a day of school. But I wasn’t deathbed sick, I just didn’t have enough energy to teach. So I figured that Monday was a good day to finish writing the big walkaway test for first term. (I volunteered to do first term. Yes, I am an idiot. Any other questions?)
Well, I saw problems in the test items right away, mainly because our department had added extra items to the core and I knew we wouldn’t have enough time to teach it all. So I emailed some suggestions to the department head and he basically said, NO to everything. I felt like I’d hit a brick wall. So I spent that entire day trying to get a better understanding of the core, emailing suggestions to my department head, and talking to other teachers and experts to figure out what should really be on that stupid test. So, one full day and I wrote maybe three test questions.
So, day two of the week I don’t feel sick enough to stay home, and wonder of wonders—it’s parent teacher conference! I’m exhausted after a day of teaching on low energy levels, I’m eagerly anticipating the 45 minute break I get before the parents show up, and what do you know, a parent ambushes me in the hall and I have to get a flu shot in the office. I show up a half hour late in the cafeteria and have a steady stream of concerned, worried parents right up until 7:45. Three hours and forty-five minutes. Teaching is draining, but I think talking with parents is almost more so.
The next morning at school, I feel worse than I did the day before. In addition, that stupid, frustrating, demon-spawned walkaway test is still hanging over my head like an anvil. I also figured out that morning that I have no idea what my students are doing for the rest of the week and realize that I should be hitting the persuasive writing unit and I have no idea how to organize it this year.
So, I manage to squeak by with a few impromptu lessons, and thank the stars my department head doesn’t say anything to me about the stupid, frustrating, demon-spawned walkaway test. I think I actually taught some good concepts, but Friday was a gift from heaven and I finally got to go to the temple and get my spiritual buckets refilled.
Holy cow, what a week of torture. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I’d actually had energy and if that stupid, frustrating, demon-spawned walkaway test wasn’t hovering over my tired, battered, fuzzed with flu head.
I’m so glad that week is over. I think I’ll be able to finish the walkaway test next week, I should have better energy, and hopefully I’ll have some time to plan out my persuasive writing unit before the district-wide writing test hits. My grandma said that you can survive anything for a week. I just proved her right. And without the spiritual strength of the temple, I’d probably be a shriveled up piece of jerky by now.

Fancy Schmancy Quotes About Time

Personally, I love quotes. Quotes hold so much meaning in so few words. Last year I was searching for a cool quote to put on a giant clock. I wasn't too excited about the "love at home" and "Families are Forever" sayings (maybe because I'm single). I wanted something different and something that meant more to me. I came up with these two:

Time discovers truth.
-Seneca

Life, if lived well, is long enough.
-Seneca

Seneca, a Roman philosopher, had quotes that really touched me and contained mountains of truth in his sayings. If you live your life well, it doesn't matter how long or short it is. In the process of time, all truths will be revealed. We just have to be patient.

I found a lot more quotes about time and life that I liked on the internet. Here's the list of quotes that didn't make the cut:

We say we waste time, but that is impossible. We waste ourselves.”

-Alice Bloch

You may delay, but time will not.

-Benjamin Franklin

To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.”

Leonard Bernstein quotes (American Conductor, Composer and Pianist. 1918-1990

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Jef Raskin, interviewed in Doctor Dobb's Journal

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Bill Watterson (1958 - ), cartoonist, "Calvin and Hobbes"

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”

Henry Van Dyke quotes (American short-story Writer, Poet and Essayist, 1852-1933

The time is always right to do what is right.”

--Martin Luther King Jr.

Time heals what reason cannot.

--Seneca

“The heart is great which shows moderation in the midst of prosperity.”

--Seneca

“He is most powerful who has power over himself”

--Seneca

Many things have fallen only to rise higher.

Seneca

No one can wear a mask for very long.

Seneca

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed

through life trying to save.

Will Rogers (1879 - 1935), New York TImes, Apr. 29, 1930

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

Unknown

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes.

Doctor Who

Arguing with the World

Lately, I’ve been thinking that it would be really cool to go to film school. I love movies, and would love to create them. But I worry that when in a film class, I will be subjected to material that I would never watch by choice. Material that is far below my standards and that will destroy my efforts to stay clean. I’ve wondered how I would explain my position to my professors, what words I would use to beg them to let me watch something else. This is an imagined conversation with a professor who can’t understand why I don’t want to watch a movie with sex scenes or that has demeaning sexual innuendo:
Sir, in my religion we are taught that physical intimacy between husband and wife is incredibly sacred. It is God’s way of gifting us with his own power of creation. Think of it! We believe that God created the heavens and the earth and he has given us that same power in our children. The power to give life, and to raise his sons and daughters as righteous members of his kingdom.
Because creation is such a powerful gift, God has commanded that we use it responsibly and with great care. In my religion, we are taught that physical intimacy must only happen between two people bonded as husband and wife. We are to practice complete abstinence before marriage, and complete fidelity afterwards.
If the power to give life is misused, it will have terrible consequences and is a mockery of God’s gift.
Sir, considering all these things I have been taught, how can I go and watch a sitcom where sex is treated like a cheap rag, something to be thrown around to satisfy desires, simply a way to get what you want. It astonishes me how sex is now as cheap as a penny, almost worthless. How can I treat physical intimacy as a sacred thing when the whole world screams at me to use it for personal gain and self indulgence?
No. I will not stand for this. I am a child of God, with a divine destiny and a divine heritage. God has seen fit to give me the gift of life and the gift of a physical body. I am precious in his sight, and I will treat myself as such. My body is not something to be thrown around to satisfy vile pleasures. I am more than that, a precious daughter who has a right to the full blessings of heaven if I but follow God’s commandments. I respect his will and his love by promising to use his gifts correctly.
So you tell me—how can I possibly watch something so demeaning to my divine identity? Something that tells me I am worth no more than my carnal pleasures, that I am nothing more than an animal. How can I watch Television shows that constantly tell me that bodies are cheap, that my life is nothing more than a quest to satisfy my sensual desires?
I say NO. I am more than that. I am of noble birth, and I refuse to fill my head with such despicable lies. I promise to watch worthy, uplifting entertainment that reminds me who I am, that encourages me to be good, that tells me I am worth something.
No sir, I will not watch such things.

Testimonies (Religious Topic)

Gosh, this is embarrassing.
Today was Testimony Meeting at my church. This happens the first Sunday of every month. Instead of having speakers during Sacrament Meeting, the members are invited to the podium to give their testimonies of the gospel. To say what they know is right in front of the congregation. Ever since I was a kid, a comment from one of my friends persuaded me that I needed to bear my testimony every month. That compulsion has stayed with me for years. Every Testimony Meeting comes with the inevitable conflict: “I should bear my testimony!” “No, you bore it last month. Give other people a chance.” “But, I think maybe that God wants me to bear it today.” “You don’t have anything to say. No stories, no special experiences. Give someone else the chance.” “But, I want to.” “Sit down, you bore it last month, you don’t have to. You’ve fulfilled your requirement.”

And so I sit there, miserable with inner conflict as people come and go from the podium. The same thing happened today, and I realized that I felt embarrassed and ashamed because I was worried about what other people would think—‘Oh, there she is again. Why does she get up so often? Is there something wrong with her?’

I thought, well, my friends Commodore and Maggie bear their testimonies every month and they are some of the most fantastic people that I know. It must be okay for me to be like them, since I admire them so much. I thought of other people in my church who bore their testimonies often, and realized that they were all people that I respected and admired. How could I be ashamed to be like people that I respected so much?

So, I got up and bore my testimony of the power of bearing testimonies. I admitted my embarrassment about bearing my testimony so often, and then mentioned that the people who did do it every month were people that I admired. Why should I be ashamed? I testified that there is a great power in bearing testimony. To say what you believe out loud, and to say it in front of other people takes great courage. My friend Paul bears testimony every month even though it scares him to death. How brave he is! He does it anyway. The courage that lets him proclaim his belief also proves his dedication to God. He follows God even when it is uncomfortable.

What a blessing it is, to have opportunities to bear our testimonies in church. An opportunity to show God our dedication with courage and confidence. A chance to just say it out loud. Saying it out loud makes it real, makes it true. Why should I ever be ashamed to make my testimony stronger? Druing Relief Society at the end of church, we were given another opportunity to share testimonies, and I did it again! I felt embarrassed again, but I had to say what was in my heart, and I was glad. Sharing my testimony was a happy thing, and I did it because I was excited about the gospel. Why should I ever be ashamed of loving the gospel? Why should I let fear of man stop me from celebrating and praising my God?

The Value of Boredom

Another quote from Wise Child by Monica Furlong, pg 57

When I had finished my astronomy, I turned unwillingly to the herb beds.
"I thought if you were educated you didn't have to do boring things," I had said to Juniper the day before.
"There are people who think like that," Juniper had said. "Such a pity. Boredom is so valuable." I could not imagine what she meant.


Now that I think about it, if I didn't get so bored during the summer, I wouldn't be so happy to go back to school. If I never got bored, I'd never want to work. What would be the point?

Icky, Horrible, Hateful Work

Quote from the book Wise Child by Monica Furlong pg 36-37

After breakfast Juniper began to wash up the dishes, and she asked me to sweep the floor. I fetched the broomstick to humor her, but I thought I'd better have the housework problem out with her right away.
"I don't like cleaning or dusting or cooking or doing dishes, or any of those things," I explained to her. "And I don't usually do it. I find it boring, you see."
"Everyone has to do those things," she said.
"Rich people don't," I pointed out.
Juniper laughed, as she often did at things I said in those early days, but at once became quite serious.
"They miss a lot of fun," she said. "But quite apart from that--keeping yourself clean, preparing the food you are going to eat, clearing it away afterward--that's what life's about, Wise Child. When people forget that, or lose touch with it, then they lose touch with other important things as well."
"Men don't do those things."
"Exactly. Also, as you clean the house up, it gives you time to tidy yourself up inside--you'll see."

How Bad Can I Be?

I drive a lot. It takes me twenty minutes to get to school every day (forty minute round trip) and once a week I drive to the city, which takes me fifty minutes. Since I’m not big on listening to the radio and I don’t have a CD player in my car, I end up thinking. A lot.
After the work day is over, I feel exhausted and drained so I watch some video on the internet to “renew” my strength before I start on my paperwork. But so often, a quick fifteen minutes of TV turns into an hour, two hours, even three hours.
Every time I “mess up,” I leave school hating myself. But the funny thing is that as I drive home, all I’m doing is trying to figure out exactly how badly I messed up. Yes, it was a little bit wrong, but at least I only watched TV for an hour. Or, Yeah, I needed a break, I was brain fried and without TV I wouldn’t have been able to do any work at all—fiddlesticks!! It seems that every time I feel guilty I waste all my time trying to figure out exactly how much scolding I deserve. But all I’m really doing is trying to justify my actions, make them seem ok when they aren’t. It doesn’t matter if I watched TV for a half hour or three hours. It’s still wrong. The whole attitude is wrong. Jon Bytheway named it, “How bad can I be?” Or, “How good am I ‘sposed to be?” Both attitudes are miles away from the correct attitude—“I will do what is right.” What am I doing trying to figure out ‘Oh, I was a little bit bad’ or ‘I only did it for a short time, it’s okay. I’m still a good person.’ It’s all an avoidance technique because I’m still not doing what I know is right.
Why am I wasting time and energy justifying actions that I know are wrong? I just need to decide to do the right thing and spend my time and energy doing things that will build me up instead of tear me down. I hate guilt. Doing the right thing is so much easier and feels so much better.

Everybody's a Nerd

I met a guy last week and we were talking about writing and I was talking about how I write for fun and he said, “So, you’re basically a nerdy girl.” And I replied, “Yes. I love being a nerd! It’s so much fun!” Writing and reading are my passions, so I love doing anything associated with them—including essay writing and analyzing the plot structures of Saturday morning cartoons. In fact, I love analyzing the themes in Star Trek episodes and figuring out why the villain was lame in the new Percy Jackson film. I talk about depth, character, and subplots. I talk about writing business letters to my favorite cereal company. Am I a nerd? Most definitely YES! And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
As I thought about that phrase, ‘so you’re a nerdy girl?’ some more, I told my sister, “Everybody’s a nerd!” Some people are nerds about hunting or fishing. Some people are nerds about football and college rivalries. Some people are nerds about motocross racing. How do you spot a nerd? You mention a certain topic and suddenly they are talking your ear off about that subject and asking your opinion on the competition last week and who you think will win the championship next month. They start speaking a different language about full backs and hole shots and draw weights on compound bows. Nerds love that nerdy language.
Unfortunately, being a “nerd” in our society is often the same thing as being a “loser.” They are seen as socially awkward, totally lacking in common sense and too obsessed with their passion to notice the world around them (such as, current fashion trends?). But what about those men who watch football all the time? Or people who spend every weekend on four wheelers? They aren’t seen as “losers,” but they are just as committed to their passions as the computer geeks. For some reason, if you are a nerd about sports or outdoorsman stuff, you’re cool. But if you’re a nerd about English, science, or anything academic and “boring,” the world sees you as a socially handicapped “loser.” Which is kind of funny since the computer “losers” are having just as much fun as the four wheelers, and are probably making more money. Bill Gates is a case in point.
Be careful in how you judge a nerd. Just because a person likes to read doesn’t mean they don't have any fashion sense. Just because someone plays basketball doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy poetry, too.
But seriously, being a nerd is fantastic fun! Find your passion, stick to it, and have a blast!!

The Glory of Silence

I have a poster on my wall that says, "The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence." I love silence. To stand alone, on top of a hill (or a parking lot) and do. . .nothing. To do nothing but stare off into the immensity of space and let its wonder and magnificence wash over me like a sweet wave is. . . marvelous. It is only when I am separated from the world by a wall of silence that I can truly hear my soul. But the silence doesn't feel like a wall, it feels like freedom--freedom from the noise of the world, freedom from the judgments and expectations of others, freedom from my own self criticism.

In those moments of silence the world fades away and I am left with. . .myself. Just me. And in that moment, as I stare at the beauty of the stars and merge with the heart of the wind, I am enough. The world makes me forget, but the silence makes me remember.

I love silence.

The Search For Happiness

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately, and where it comes from. Someone told me that all joy comes from knowing God. I recoiled at that statement, thinking, “No, happiness comes from ME.” I believe that the source of all good things is God, including joy. But joy is not something handed to us on a silver platter simply because we admit that God exists. My joy depends on me—my thoughts, my actions, and my attitude.
In the gospel, we are told that if we do certain things, we will have joy. Last month, I knew I’d been keeping all the commandments, but I was also miserable. I talked to a lot of people, trying to figure out what to do. When I talked with my neighbor, he asked me to list all the things I had to do every week. It was a lot, but he pointed out to me, “You never once mentioned your family responsibilities.” I was shocked and humbled. This started a period of serious reflection on my priorities in life. I realized that I was basing my self worth on how many tasks I was accomplishing every day—school, writing, grading papers, cleaning house, exercising…etc. As a result, I saw myself as flawed because I could never finish everything. Or at least, no matter how many tasks I piled on myself, I still wasn’t happy. When my neighbor said that comment about family, I remembered the thought I’d had the week before: “No matter how many tasks I accomplish, they’re all worthless if I’m not happy.” It changed to, “No matter what I accomplish in this life, it’s all worthless if I’m neglecting my family.”
I decided from then on that the thing I wanted most in the world was to be happy. To be happy for the right reasons. The ability to be happy no matter how dark the storm clouds overhead and no matter how many responsibilities piled on top of me.
As I reflected and studied, I learned that one of the key components to happiness was to have my priorities in the right order. Family is very important to me, but I wasn’t acting like it. After that talk with my neighbor, I decided to make sure that I called my family at least once a week. I also decided to not worry so much about how many tasks I was doing every day—to base my sense of worth on something else.
Those two changes made a HUGE difference. My life was still hectic, but I wasn’t stressed. I didn’t worry all the time, I didn’t give myself expectations that I couldn’t fulfill, and the pressure lifted. I was free from my misery.

For more information on happiness and priorities, please refer to Stephen Covey’s book Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.