Gosh, this is embarrassing.
Today was Testimony Meeting at my church. This happens the first Sunday of every month. Instead of having speakers during Sacrament Meeting, the members are invited to the podium to give their testimonies of the gospel. To say what they know is right in front of the congregation. Ever since I was a kid, a comment from one of my friends persuaded me that I needed to bear my testimony every month. That compulsion has stayed with me for years. Every Testimony Meeting comes with the inevitable conflict: “I should bear my testimony!” “No, you bore it last month. Give other people a chance.” “But, I think maybe that God wants me to bear it today.” “You don’t have anything to say. No stories, no special experiences. Give someone else the chance.” “But, I want to.” “Sit down, you bore it last month, you don’t have to. You’ve fulfilled your requirement.”
And so I sit there, miserable with inner conflict as people come and go from the podium. The same thing happened today, and I realized that I felt embarrassed and ashamed because I was worried about what other people would think—‘Oh, there she is again. Why does she get up so often? Is there something wrong with her?’
I thought, well, my friends Commodore and Maggie bear their testimonies every month and they are some of the most fantastic people that I know. It must be okay for me to be like them, since I admire them so much. I thought of other people in my church who bore their testimonies often, and realized that they were all people that I respected and admired. How could I be ashamed to be like people that I respected so much?
So, I got up and bore my testimony of the power of bearing testimonies. I admitted my embarrassment about bearing my testimony so often, and then mentioned that the people who did do it every month were people that I admired. Why should I be ashamed? I testified that there is a great power in bearing testimony. To say what you believe out loud, and to say it in front of other people takes great courage. My friend Paul bears testimony every month even though it scares him to death. How brave he is! He does it anyway. The courage that lets him proclaim his belief also proves his dedication to God. He follows God even when it is uncomfortable.
What a blessing it is, to have opportunities to bear our testimonies in church. An opportunity to show God our dedication with courage and confidence. A chance to just say it out loud. Saying it out loud makes it real, makes it true. Why should I ever be ashamed to make my testimony stronger? Druing Relief Society at the end of church, we were given another opportunity to share testimonies, and I did it again! I felt embarrassed again, but I had to say what was in my heart, and I was glad. Sharing my testimony was a happy thing, and I did it because I was excited about the gospel. Why should I ever be ashamed of loving the gospel? Why should I let fear of man stop me from celebrating and praising my God?
